If They Just Shortened The Constitution By a Few Amendments, I’d Totally Read It
If They Just Shortened The Constitution By a Few Amendments, I’d Totally Read It
My Slackjaw Contest Reject
To Whom It May Concern,
Our liberty means everything to our freedom, and the Constitution is the cornerstone of that linchpin but there’s no polite way to say this: The Constitution is old and like…huge.
I know the Founding Fathers meant well, but there were way less distractions when it was written in the 1800s, especially before trains.
5000 Words is just too many for busy American taxpayers like myself, and others, many of them with jobs. But if they shortened the damn thing, I’d totally read it.
For America’s citizens to be informed, the Legislature or the Department of the Interior or whoever’s responsible needs to capsulize the information for easy reading. Like multiple Tweets, with like some sick GIFs, or something.
So it’s about time they remove some amendments.
I’m not saying all Amendments are bad. I love some Amendments. The 2nd Amendment is one of the best things ever to happen to this nation, because can you imagine how many deer vs. car accidents there would be if we couldn’t have guns? Car accidents would become one of the leading causes of death in the United States.
To prove my commitment to this project, I took four weeks to skim three of the like 47 Amendments,( not counting the 2nd Amendment, which is airbrushed on my truck).
The 25th Amendment really boggles my mind. The 25th Amendment says that if a President isn’t fit to be President, they can get rid of him. Well, the President must be pretty fit in the first place to do all that campaigning, and he’s on Hi-Definition TV every day. Hi-Def shows every wrinkle, and worry lines and grey hair. If someone was unfit, you could totally tell. I understand that the Constitutional Congress wrote this one before TV, so it’s not their fault, but we can scrap it now, easily, with no repercussions.
A totally obvious example of unnecessary Constitutional verbiage ( a word meaning speech or writing containing far too many words to explain a concept or premise or idea that can totally be expressed in a shorter manner ) is the 18th Amendment, Prohibition of Alcohol.
The 18th Amendment was a big mistake, and it’s still printed in the Constitution! We got a couple great gangster movies out of the deal, but other than that it was just stupid. Anyone can make alcohol in their basement. My Aunt Rebecca still does. If I was John Hancock I’d be embarrassed to have my signature on a document that contains something that stupid, even if The Untouchables was a pretty alright movie with that one guy from James Bond. Why waste people’s time on something that doesn’t exist anymore? Somebody once said “Those who repeat history are doomed” and here we are repeating history in an official government document. Cross it out or delete it!
And lastly, the Amendment most ripe for the shredder is the 19th Amendment. This is such a waste. Suffrage is right, we’ve suffraged through this one for too long! Everyone knows that women can vote. I’ve voted in almost five of the last seven elections and not once did I see a woman get turned away. Not once. I mean, have you ever heard of a woman that got told: “no, I’m sorry, you can’t vote because you have a vagina?” How would the polling place church volunteers even know someone was a woman in the first place? Nowadays you can’t even assume a vagina is under a dress.
Me and my meme coalitions think everyone should be informed, we just want the government to make it easier by removing some of these Amendments that have no practical purpose.
If the Government will meet us halfway by removing like, ten or fifteen Amendments, we’ll do the rest by turning the remaining Amendments into gnarly memes, featuring easily recognizable celebrities like Amy Adams, because she seems really nice, plus some Youtubers who deserve to be huger.
I’d love to discuss this further but I have to be in district court for my Plagiarizing Ayn Rand probable cause hearing. I can’t believe I have to testify against myself.
Sincerely,
Scout Zahner, Sergeant-at-Arms, Facebook Political Meme Providers of Facebook, and Treasurer, Instagram Patriotic Memes of Instagram (when our account isn’t suspended for that Rosalynn Carter Nipple thing).
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